Teoh Tee Liang.
I never know i would ever have this kind of relationship in my life. I don't even know this kind of relationship exist. I know i shouldn't have feelings for you, but sometimes its hard to control. I definitely know you will never have the same feelings for me but I'm stupid enough to continue this, to continue giving you the power to destroy me.
Actually sometimes your merciless do hurt me a lot and I know you will never care about it, and that hurts me even more. I hate you slapping me to be honest, I never like you slap me, but if you like to do it that why not I just pretend like i do like it very much and so you can continue slapping me instead of other girls.... I love you dear...I know i don't even have the right to say this.. but that's all the reason why I'm still here, even you hurt me so much. All I want is to be able to be around you, and make you laugh. Sometimes nag you like a mother, or lau gai like a child.....
Sorry sometimes I'll forgot the fact and treat you as my boyfriend instead of as my master. I'm just a little girl that wanted to be loved so much. I'm sorry I can't stop having imagination for you and still hoping one day you might see me or maybe i can be your girlfriend, you started to treat me nicely, gently and handle me with care. Or maybe you can stop having so many other girls...but those do not matter at all... All i want is just you can meet your right person and she will take good care of you. You know you never know how to take care of yourself properly.
In fact, I never really know you as I don't think you have the interest to let me understand and get too close to you too, but I do remember every possible small details about you that I could get, you like guava, you don't eat much rice, you don't like green tea, you like mushroom like a kid, you are ambitious, you are horny, you are playful, you are also soft-hearted but never to me, you are a gentle person, never to me also....whatever... I like your smile the most, not those typical smile to take foto, but your smile when i did stupid or hilarious thing. And thats why, I'm so clumsy haha... clumsy enough to annoyed you and make you mad at me and slap me again... just to bet you might laugh. Be happy even when I'm not around.. I know you will make it so well, you will do so well even if i'm dead.
Sometimes I wonder, how am i exist, for you. How important am I... will you have a second of sadness if i break up with you? Or will you have some moments that you might miss me like i missed you. I would never dare to ask. I believe you won't bother to answer me also, instead i will just annoyed you.
Still I cant forgot the days when you keep messaging me. The days when we just started to know each other, I know i'm not a new toy anymore, and the interest is only reducing. But seriously, i missed you so much everyday, even a little message or phone call from you can enlighten my day make me sleep soundly or whatever. And one thing is like drugs, your voices in the phone are always so gentle, so so gentle until i fell for you again and again, every time i got your call. Even a simply what you are doing.... Everything is making harder for me to stay away from you.
Liang, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to love you so much. Maybe someday I might awake, and finally stop hoping, so I can just simply take care of you when you are sick and old. Or maybe I'm stupid enough to keep this relationship until i'm old and sick and you are not around anymore. Or maybe someday you will understand the love i had for you, it doesn't matter who that to make you realise it, and then you let me go, and then i found my one and got married and had kids. Marriage and having children, to have a home is always my dream. I still believe in that, believe in one day someone will cherish me and love me from the bottom of his heart, where my home is the place where he is. You will have your's too.
Liang liang, promise me you will be fine and happy. Take good care of yourself. I love you.
Thanks for the good and bad memories. I appreciated it.
30/7/2016||2325
